Tim Conway quotes

Quotes from Tim Conway, the famous clown, comedian, and writer

Early life

As a kid I was short and only weighed 95 pounds. And though I was active in a lot of sports and got along with most of the guys, I think I used comedy as a defense mechanism. You know making someone laugh is a much better way to solve a problem than by using your fists.
At first I wanted to be a jockey. I rode horses in Cleveland but I kept falling off and I was afraid of horses. So there wasn’t much of a future in it.
I was born in Willoughby, but I was immediately whisked off to Chagrin Falls, where I grew up.
If only my folks had beaten me, I could have gotten some material about my miserable childhood. But as it is, I’ve had a great life.
My mother was a seamstress, and I watched her sew growing up. So now I make clothes for my 2-year-old granddaughter that don’t fit her. I also make all of Harvey’s suits.

Both Harvey [Korman] and I like to keep in touch with Carol [Burnett]. We try to see her at least once a month, because she’s got a drive-Up ATM window at her house. And we like to go and pick up some cash.
Carol [Burnett] is a wonderful, giving person; she had a personal interest in everyone around the show, including the stagehands and the ushers. And then we didn’t do a lot of rehearsal, so the material stayed fresh. It was really a lot like doing a live show.

Don Knotts was a really big influence, especially on the Steve Allen Show. I mean, look at the guy, his entire life is in his face.
You can’t TV surf without coming across an Andy of Mayberry episode where you’ve just got to watch Don as Barney. That’s why I put Don in several of my movies.

Every show wants to be like Friends, and so you’ve got these shows that literally are so much alike you could stack them on top of each other.
I don’t watch a lot of TV anymore. A lot of it isn’t the kind of thing you can feel comfortable with watching with your kids. And I still feel that way even though, now, my kids are in their 30s.
Richard Pryor’s characterizations were brilliant, and his language was really a part of him. For most comedians today, though, the language is just so casual. Now all you need is a brick wall and a mike and you’re a comedian.
When I watch TV, I’m embarrassed by some of what’s on.

Harvey is a hypochondriac and a worrywart and I give him plenty to worry about.
I’ve known Harvey for over 40 years and I worked with him on the Burnett show for 11 years. I guess you could say we’re about as close as you can get to being a comedy team.
Harvey never had an original idea or thought in his life. I was out wandering around the country doing charity benefits, mainly, when I asked him to come along.

I don’t see anything wrong with what’s going on in this country today, so I don’t really think much of it. It’s not something I watch.
I figure you’re only here for a matter of moments. Ever since I was a kid watching movies I’ve always wanted to make people laugh or have some sort of emotional reaction.
My career is pretty much over. I’m out in the Valley eating soft-boiled eggs.
I like to work a lot with wood. I make furniture that falls apart, I also sew.
I’ve never really taken anything very seriously. I enjoy life because I enjoy making other people enjoy it.
I play the saxophone. I know one song, and I play it over and over again all night long until the neighbors start to scream.
Nowadays they have 12 directors and 15 producers and 30 writers. And all the writers want their lines said a certain way–which isn’t necessarily funny. I mean the lines aren’t necessarily so funny to begin with.
People enjoy sitting back knowing they won’t hear a lot of four-letter words.
I love doing my own material.