Annie and Rowdy Rusty– a clownish retelling of David and Goliath
A rework of David – a clownish retelling of David and Goliath, a skit by Tom Raymond,
Characters: Narrator, Annie, Annie’s 2 sisters, Father/Sheriff (the same person can play both), “Rowdy Rusty” Custard
Props: 5 balloon cow hats, ukulele, bag of “supplies,” big balloon hat, “Dad” hat & fake mustache, giant cards, balloon campfire, water pistol.
Narrator: Once, in the wild wild west, there was a young woman named Annie…
(Enter Annie)
Narrator: Annie, of course, is very young. When Annie’s was very little, her grandpa told her that someday she could be anything she wants, even sheriff, if she worked hard and was brave. Everyone thought that was kind of funny because they already had a sheriff, and Annie was just a kid. Anyway, Annie’s job was to take care of her daddy’s cattle, and she did a great job. (Annie moves to cows and Annie pets them) After a while, Annie became kind of famous not because she was gonna be sheriff but because she was a great singer, and she played wonderful music. (Annie plays music on ukulele. Cows hum) Annie even spent some time playing and singing for the sheriff and her sisters. (Annie moves back onto stage and Sheriff & sisters enter) Then one day Rowdy Rusty Custard and his gang of cattle rustlers came to town, and the sheriff asked Annie’s big sisters joined the posse to arrest them.
Sheriff (to sisters): We’re forming a posse to go after those rustlers. I want you to join us.
So Annie was back to taking care of the cattle. (Sheriff and sisters ride off and Annie goes back to the cattle) Time passed, as time will do. One day, Annie’s father asked her to bring some supplies to his sisters.
Father: Annie can you take these supplies to your sisters.
(Father comes out with a bag of stuff and shows the items in the bag to Annie, one by one : deodorant, baked beans & plastic sausages, cookies, toilet paper, rubber chicken, etc.) Well, Annie walked all the way to the pasture and was surprised to find that nothing was happening. (Cowgirls lounging playing cards & telling jokes.)
(Karen & Grace – insert 2 jokes here)
(Annie looks surprised) Well, then Annie asked what was going on . . .
Annie: What’s going on?
Narrator: What was going on, indeed? Would Annie help capture Rowdy Rusty?
Would Rowdy Rusty capture the cows? Where are the cattle rustlers? Where are the cows? Do the cows even care? To find out the answers to these and other stupid questions, stay tuned after this brief intermission.
Choir anthem
Narrator: When we last saw Annie she had just arrived to deliver supplies to her sisters….
Annie: What’s going on?
Sisters: See for yourself.
Narrator: Well, Annie saw this big, giant of a man walking back and forth and shouting … (everyone looks off expectantly, but nothing happens) … I said a giant of a man!!! (Rowdy Rusty appears) Rowdy Rusty was wanted for everything in the book. Biting a bulldog, shaving a horse, He was wanted in 3 counties for putting lipstick on bunnies. He scared a rattlesnake so bad it bit itself. AND he was wanted for dancing badly in public!!! Every day, Rowdy Rusty would appear and dare any cowboy to try to arrest him.
Rowdy Rusty: I dare any of you to try to arrest me! (mean nasty laugh) I’m Rowdy Rusty Custard and I am the biggest, baddest, meanest hombre in the west. And you are just a bunch of wimpy cowpokes. Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
I want you to choose one cowpoke, your biggest, meanest, and have them come fight me. If they wins, then my gang change your kitty litter and massage your mother’s bunions, but if you loses, then you have to give me all your cattle. Now send someone to fight me or I will taunt you a second time. Ha, Ha, Ha!
Narrator: None of the posse wanted to fight with Rowdy Rusty, because he was so big and scary. Well, Annie was really young. She knew that her Grandfather said that if she worked hard and was brave she could do anything.
Annie: If no one else will fight Rowdy Rusty, then I will.
Narrator: Well the sheriff tried to give her a hat and six shooter, but … (Sheriff gives Annie really big hat that goes over his eyes. Then puts a gun belt around her waist but it falls to the ground etc)
Sheriff: It’s too big.
Annie: (pulled her water pistol) I can take care of the Rowdy Rusty with only this, because my grandpa said that I could.
Narrator: Well, I bet you guys know what happened next. Miss Annie took her little water pistol and she went to face Rowdy Rusty Custard. And Annie used that water pistol and brought that big old Rowdy Rusty down. (Annie squirts Rowdy Rusty, who curls up and shrinks like the wicked witch in “The Wizard of Oz” The sheriff and other cowboys run over and tie up Rowdy Rusty then haul him off to jail). Now, Annie used the advice of her wise ol’ grandpa to help her beat the bad guy. But the David in the Bible story had someone else helping and guiding him. Do you remember who? Right, he had God. Well, because God helped, David won. He was a hero. Later, he became king, but not until he had a few more adventures – but that’s another story. God will help anyone, even the littlest clown. That means God would help you too, just ask!