The Tie is Always Greener – an original clown skit by Goofy Grape, for 2 speaking clowns
(starts with Goofy Grape having a small table set up on stage, with some ties displayed for sale — straightening up ties, etc. — keeping her hands busy)
(Raynbow walks on-stage, spots the Tie Store, and does a take for the audience)
Raynbow: Wow! A new tie store! And I really need a new tie! (looks at tie he’s wearing) This old thing! I’ve had it for years … It’s time for a change! (walks into the “store”)
Goofy Grape: How can I help you?
Raynbow: I need a replacement for this tired, old tie! (takes off tie, puts it down on the table) What do you have that’s new, hip, happening, and cool?
Goofy Grape: (pulls out a red polka-dot tie) I’ve got this lovely green checked tie — try it out!
Raynbow: (models it for the audience — tries to tie it, and tightens the knot too tight — starts choking himself — removes the tie) No, I need a tie, not a choker. What else do you have?
Goofy Grape: I’ve got a super-duper Grape model! (pulls out a purple tie)
Raynbow: (turns to the audience, models the tie — obviously doesn’t like the tie — turns back to Goofy Grape) — I don’t like it — it must be the Grapes of Wrath model. What else do you have?
Goofy Grape: (an aside to the audience) Can’t please some people no matter what you do! (to Raynbow): Let me see what else we have in stock, sir (she turns around and starts rummaging through her ‘stock’)
Raynbow: (notices his old tie lying on the counter) Eureka!
Goofy Grape: (turns around, slightly miffed) Well, you don’t smell so sweet yourself!
Raynbow: No! I’ve found it! The perfect tie! (holds up his tie for the audience) Look at this tie! It has style! It has class! It has poise and personality!
Goofy Grape: (in an aside to the audience) I know who else has a poison personality! (to Raynbow) But that’s your old tie!
Raynbow: (totally oblivious) It’s perfect! I want to buy it! How much?
Goofy Grape: (with a perplexed look on her face) It’s not for sale!
Raynbow: (upset) WHY NOT?? (pulls out wad of money)
Goofy Grape: (yelling right back at him) ‘CUZ IT’S ALREADY YOURS!
Raynbow: (as the light slowly dawns) Oooh!
(lights dim, or the clowns walk off stage, as the pastor (or whoever) comes up to talk about what we already have in Christ, only to go looking for it someplace else)