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What can I do with these apples?

What can I do with these apples?, a skit for 3 speaking clowns. Original by Tom & Ellen Raymond

(the skit begins with Clown 1 & Clown 2 in the foreground; a tramp/hobo clown enters, behind the other 2, where he remains for the bulk of the skit)

Clown 1: (enters carrying a bushel basket of apples, or bag, etc.) Whatever will I do with all of these apples?

Clown 2: (enters, greets Clown 1 in whatever clownish way suits you best ) Hello, Clown 1! What do you have there?

Clown 1: (with an exasperated sigh) Too many apples! (Hobo clown enters, his ears perk up at the mention of apples — his favorite fruit! He pantomimes this to the audience, along with his hunger, etc.)

Clown 2: I thought that you liked apples …

Clown 1: I do, but I’ve got too many! My refrigerator’s full of apples at home … I don’t know what to do with them all! (she picks up one apple, throws it up into the air & catches it, throws it from one hand to the other, etc. — the Hobo’s head follows each move, following that delicious apple wherever it goes throughout the rest of this)

Clown 2: You can make apple pies! (Hobo pantomimes taking a pie, cutting a slice, slowly eating, etc.)

Clown 1: I’ve made 10 apple pies already.

Clown 2: Ooh! I know! Applesauce! You could make jars of applesauce! (Hobo gets excited, pantomimes opening a jar of applesauce, lid being stuck, etc. — finally eating a spoonful, ending by looking at the audience, hungrier than ever)

Clown 1: I’ve already made jar after jar of applesauce! And apple turnovers! (Hobo lights up at the mention of each food) And apple tarts! And apple strudel! And ever apple dish I can think of — and I still have all of these apples left, going to waste! (she gets an idea) You don’t need any apples, do you? (Hobo’s eyes light up, he approaches, but still behind the other clowns)

Clown 2: Nope, I’ve got plenty of food at my house. (Hobo stands behind, hand outstretched — the others do not see him)

Clown 1: What can I do with all of these apples? I could try … juggling! (Clown 1 attempts juggling, fails. The apples roll away, and the Hobo steps forward for the first time, and juggles with them successfully — or, if the Hobo clown can’t juggle, offers them back to Clown 1 — either way, the Hobo offers the apples back to Clown 1)

Clown 1: (taken aback, by the Hobo’s “sudden” appearance) Oh! Thank you… (Hobo walks away forlornly, miming hunger) Wait! (Hobo turns back, hopefully, as Clown 1 offers out an apple) Could you use these apples?

Clown 2: (steps to the foreground) Jesus says, “Whatever you do to the least of my brothers, you have done for me.”

The End


Computer nerd by day, professional clown on evenings and weekends (Raynbow), who combines the two by maintaining a bunch of websites dedicated to the history and performances of clowning, such as Free Clown Skits, and comedy such as Best Clean Funny Jokes.
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