What’s a ‘tithee’? free clown skit

(A skit for 2 or more speaking clowns – two clowns enter, with one or both of them holding a clipboard and pencil – preferably clown-sized)

Clown 1: I’m so excited!

Clown 2: Me too!  I’ve always wanted to do clown ministry at (name of local church)

Clown 1: Yes!  And now, all we have to do is finish out this questionnaire.  Let’s see … name?

Clown 2: Yes, I have a name.

Clown 1: (writing) Good!  The next thing is, birth date?

Clown 2: I don’t know.

Clown 1: (does a take, reacts to the audience) You don’t know your birthday?

Clown 2: Well, I was pretty young at the time.

Clown 1: (scribbling) Well, we’ll have to come back to that later.  Where were you born?

Clown 2: In the hospital.

Clown 1: Hospital?

Clown 2: I wanted to be near my mother.

Clown 1: (scribbling) Okay. The next question is, do you tithee? (intentionally mispronouncing ‘tithe’)

Clown 2: Tithee?

Clown 1: That’s what it says here, ‘tithee’.

Clown 2: (light goes on—possibly literally if you have a light-up light bulb prop) Oh, I know!  It’s like that old gospel song, ‘Nearer my God tithee’!

Clown 1: (to the audience) That just doesn’t sound right.
(at this point, either a third clown—probably a whiteface—or ‘normal’ minister walks by, and tries to straighten them out)

Minister: Fellows, that’s not what ‘tithe’ means.

Clown 1: What does it mean, then?

Minister: Well, technically, it means one tenth.

Clown 2: Tenth?

Clown 1: If you’re tense (speaking with a lisp, so that ‘tense’ sounds like ‘tenth’), you should relax!

Clown 2: Right! (the clowns try to demonstrate stretching, etc.—anything ‘clownish’ that would work with your clown character dealing with relaxing)
Minister: No, no, that’s not it, fellows.  Have a seat, and let me explain what God’s ‘tithe’ means.  (at this point, the minister/whiteface would explain to the congregation / kids church/ etc. what the tithe is, and what God expects from us)

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